(Warning: This post is half-joking, mostly serious hehe)
Listen, I am going to write this post with the acknowledgement that you all might end up hating me or I might sound really annoying, but I am just speaking da truf. Here it is. So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this topic: pre-natal advice. Basically the thoughts were spawned by a posting I saw on FB that was something to the effect of “I am very early pregnant and already tired of the unsolicited advice of ‘sleep now’ because you won’t later and ‘take time for yourself now’ yada yada. I know this as I am not stupid. I know what to expect.” OK. I get it. I WAS you. I thought the SAME thing. I thought “Jesus, enough already with the ‘oh woe is me, new-parent-life will never be the same’ crap. I am pregnant, excited…” and clueless. Listen, my husband and I would have this conversation on a daily basis; “why do people constantly want to point out the obvious of how hard it is to have a baby? WTF?” Well, people, now that I have HAD my baby, I can say…BECAUSE IT IS. OK, it is DAMN HARD. And now I am the one giving that unsolicited annoying advice. Except now, I see the validity to it. I DO wish I had slept more before the baby. And I DO wish I had relished in the solo bathroom time I had. I DO wish I had seen that movie (or two or three) that I probably won’t see…for a while. But what I want to say also is that the amazing feelings that you will have post baby, when you actually ARE a parent, are just that…amazing…and absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to describe. So I think that is why people focus on giving advice that is tangible rather than even ATTEMPTING to advise on the emotional side of becoming a parent. And there is nothing wrong with that. I really wish I had not begrudged people who attempted to give me such advice. So here I am, I am going to to tell you, FB poster who does NOT want my advice, what you absolutely SHOULD do (including the things I mentioned before):
– Sit a little longer on the can. Yup, I know, gross, but pretty soon, someone WILL be propped up in their Bumbo seat holding onto your leg while you do your business. Yes they will.
-Linger in the shower. Without peering through the glass doors to see the monitor that lies resting on the sink, praying your baby will not wake up before the shampoo is rinsed out.
-Do go out to dinner with your husband. Or your friends. Or anyone who will dine with you, because those who will post-baby will SURELY decrease.
-Do attempt to make plans past 8:00 pm, because that too, will diminish.
-Make amazing non-slow-cooker meals that require a TON of prep, because when you are singing “Old MacDonald had a farm, eeeeyi eeeeyi ohhhhh” while prepping your meals, you WILL inevitably leave something out or burn something.
-Do exercise or run as much as you would like, because pushing a jogging stroller SUCKS and makes you think you need a pace maker.
-DO wear your maternity clothes AS SOON as you POSSIBLY can. NO one cares that “you’re 6 months pregnant and still haven’t bought a maternity item.” And don’t bother getting rid of them. Too damn comfortable. I have no shame.
-Buy stuff for yourself. You won’t really want to post-baby (gasp! I know!) and when you do you will find yourself playing the justification game.
-Go to the grocery store and stroll the aisles. A lot. Post-baby, you will find Fresh Direct. And fall in love.
-Chew your food. Perhaps even savor each bite. You won’t do so thoroughly for a long time.
-Enjoy vacuuming…without a twelve-pounder as an appendage.
-Sleep. That’s it. I have NOTHING funny to say about this because NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING is funny about this.
-Oh, and nap. Don’t go all “super hero I don’t need naps” cray. Just do it.
-Don’t hate on those giving unsolicited advice. Yes, they are just haggard warn-out parents as you expected 😉
-Finally, DO know that your life will FOREVER be changed ABSOLUTELY for the better, in a way that could NEVER be described. Also know that you will fall in love in a way you never knew possible. And that this child will melt your heart and turn you into the biggest pile of mush. And that it WILL BE PERFECT.