Why Finding Mommy Friends is like Dating.

3 Comments

Why isn’t she calling me back?

Was Zachary crying too much?

Were my “fancy sweats” (leggings) not fancy enough?  Too fancy?

Did the lunch I served suck?  The quiche was bland, wasn’t’ it?

Is my house too small?

Too many toys?  Not enough?

Was I letting Zachary be too grabby?

Was my type-a schedule too much for her to handle?

Did I over-share?

Does she want to be my friend?

This, my friends, is indeed my inner-monologue regarding new mommy friends.  I have heard people draw a comparison between making Mommy friends and dating, and maybe have even read a blog post about this, but I wanted to share my own thoughts.  I agree. Making mommy friends is certainly like dating.  And sometimes it works out, but sometimes it doesn’t.  And who knows why; maybe the quiche WAS bland!  But nonetheless it can sting when a “mom-lationship” doesn’t work out.  When it does though, it can feel oh-so good to have someone to hang with while with your baby!  You want someone who “gets you,”  preferably someone close or who is willing to travel, someone who you can talk to, someone who shares some of your ideas around parenting style or is at least open minded, and mosty importantly, someone who you feel won’t judge you.  And the list goes on!  I have found that mommy-hood has made me very vulnerable.  In the very wise and beautiful words of Barack Obama, “someone once described the joy and anxiety of parenthood as the equivalent of having your heart outside of your body all the time, walking around.”  That someone, by the way, was Elizabeth Stone, who said specifically, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  Anyway, the point is that who ever you choose to be your Mommy-friends, you share this vulnerability with them, and I guess that is essentially why it is so similar to dating.

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So tell me, what is important to, in making Mommy friends or friends in general?

3 thoughts on “Why Finding Mommy Friends is like Dating.

  1. Your blogs sound like the mommy version of Carrie Bradshaw, or a little “Baby in the City”. I’m sure the “experienced” moms, who wear their hearts on their sleeves, will share with you that finding the right fit of mommy & child with mommy and child is hard, but when you find the “right” one you’ll know. Just how we explain to our tweens, “If you are lucky enough to find that one true friend, then that’s enough.” Quality over quantity. Then when we grow up and we find our one true love, that’s enough(for some!). Now it’s time to find the one mommy friend who will share parenting strategies, spouse issues, many a cocktail, and not judge. For me I found that one friend early on in the twins lives, but sadly she moved away when Mae & Jack were 10. She’s a great girl and I’m lucky that I had her! Nobody will ever take her place! So back to the drawing board I went. School, sports, and activities have introduced us to many more parents, and the same concerns resurface. You have double the “boyfriends” you had when the baby was little, and trying to juggle them all will get hectic. You’ll think that there will be the one that can be your friend forever, but then they’ll be the one who breaks your heart. It will be that special one that makes you feel good about yourself when life is seriously getting in the way and you believe that you are really screwing up as a parent that wins you over. And again, we’re lucky to just have that one true “mommy” friend. You are a fabulous person and an extraordinary mommy. They would be lucky to call you their friend!

  2. Pingback: Motherhood, For Real « Memos from the Middle

  3. Pingback: My Favorite Things | Ups and Downes

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