Dear Zachary,

I finally understand the concept of wanting to freeze time.

Last year at this time (I have been doing a lot of this type of thinking), I was two days post-due date and had a routine doctor’s appointment for a non-stress test and ultrasound to check my fluid levels.  Your Daddy was able to come to the appointment with me as it was late in the afternoon; 4pm.  I had spent the last week trudging up and down the Ben Franklin Bridge on foot, even breaking into a run at times, in a lame attempt to go into labor.  The morning of this doctor’s appointment, two days post-date, I thought I was having the beginning of contractions (which were later confirmed to be, if anything, little blips; ha) and was filled with anticipation of your arrival.  I never in a million years knew how much my life would change; for the better, for the best, for the ways I could not even know possible.  The non-stress test went well; you were swimming around (obviously quite comfortable) and your heart rate was good.  We then awaited the ultrasound with a nurse who quickly became tense.  I said to your Daddy that something was wrong, and he brushed me off, as I am, by nature (and admittedly) a hypochondriac.  She told us we were going to a better machine with a doctor who would be able to read the results better.  In the end, I had run out of fluid and  you were born via c-section less than two hours later.

You are, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me.  You have given me a sense of purpose and the feeling that I was put on this earth to be your Mama.  I love watching you grow each day, but see the days fly by with regret for how fast they truly go.  Each moment with you is amazing and you are a miracle that I am forever thankful for.  Thank you for being you.

A video I made of your birth and first few weeks:

I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BEYOND.

NOTHING MEANT ANYTHING UNTIL YOU MADE IT MEAN EVERYTHING.

I LOVE YOU, BABY ZACHARY.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

-Mama-

“Oh how the time flies now that you’re here with me.  You’re here with me…

Oh how I waited for you, oh how I longed to meet you.  Oh how I wondered who you’d be, now I see.

‘Cause you’re here with me.  You’re here with me.  Now that you’re here with me.”

-Frances England